"Could there be someone better?" The moment you ask it

When it comes to love, two questions come up easily.

"Will we make it to the end?"
"Is there… someone better waiting for me?"

Asking whether you'll last doesn't necessarily mean you want to stay. Asking whether there's someone better doesn't necessarily mean you've decided to leave. Sometimes both questions hide the same sentence: I'm afraid of choosing wrong.

If you're asking "Will this last?"

Maybe things are going well, but the future makes you uneasy. Maybe there are already problems that the two of you have never talked about. These two situations need different kinds of help.

If you're asking "Is there someone better?"

Start by saying what "better" means. More willing to spend time with you? Easier to talk things through with? More in line with you on plans for the future? Once you can name what bothers you, you'll know whether it's something you can work on together.

Having the thought doesn't mean you're not serious. Notice when it comes up: after an argument, or all the time, because being together feels like a strain.

The Eight of Cups shows a figure leaving a row of cups and walking into the mountains. In a love question, you can start by asking: do the things I cared about still matter to me? The card can't decide for you whether to break up, and it can't prove that someone's feelings have changed.

Before the next person, look at how you are together now

Some problems in a relationship can be talked through; others won't be solved however hard you try. Whether your partner responds, and whether agreed things get done, are much easier to check than an imagined next relationship.

Your reasons for staying and your reasons for wanting to leave are both worth taking seriously.

Try writing down: if no one new comes along any time soon, do I still want to stay in this relationship? Why?

You don't need the answer today. See clearly how things are between you now, then decide what you can accept.

Common questions